


Balance

by 1YoungWriter1



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Loneliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-16 03:10:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13045275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1YoungWriter1/pseuds/1YoungWriter1
Summary: She thought a lot about their bond. She couldn’t forget the feeling that passed through her, when their fingers touched in the hut. A connection, a spark. A feeling of understanding, of finally finding one's place, one's equal.I'm bad at summaries: a non-lovehaterelationship (hopefully, for now) view on the relationship between Rey and Kylo|Ben.PS: Ready for the Hate to flow through you and into the comments :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rey and Kylo don't just have chemistry in the films. They have bloody atomic physics! Not necessarily romantic/lust-like, but physics.
> 
> I love any feedback, so feel free to criticise!
> 
> PPS: Not beta'd; sorry about that.

She thought a lot about him. More than she should have, probably. Even when every part of her brain told her that it was foolish to have much hope, she couldn’t help _but_ hope. Not very strongly, not with much vigour, but hope none the less. Hope for Ben Solo.

She couldn’t help hating him either. Because he chose power, because he chose the Darkness, because he chose himself over anything else. Because he let her down. She knew last reason was selfish but it didn’t make the questionable feeling of betrayal - could it even be called betrayal? - any softer

She thought a lot about their bond. It hadn’t been broken after Snoke’s death, for one thing. She couldn’t forget the feeling that passed through her, when their fingers touched in the hut, for another. A connection, a spark. A feeling of understanding, of finally finding one's place, one's equal.

Not long after escaping Crait she had a horrible thought that made her insides twist into knots. It came when she had tried to describe _that_ feeling to herself; it had felt like electricity running through her body, like something setting her insides aflame. She hated herself for the mere possibility of what that feeling could have been. Or rather, she hated the possibility that her own body had turned against her mind. How stupid and sentimental that would be! She was meant to connect with the Force, understand the frailty, baseness and weakness of her body, to surpass it.

One day she just couldn’t stand the nagging thoughts in her own head. She went to take a shower. She turned on the hot water, turned her back to the scalding streams and looked pointedly at the ceiling. As if her body wasn’t part of her, as if it was a medical test she had to quickly perform. She slipped her fingers between her legs and waited patiently for the reaction of her body. She kept telling herself to breath, to accept whatever the result would be.

Negative. Not the same as the feeling she had. She caught herself sighing with relief as she slid down to sit and soak in the steaming water. Satisfied and more relaxed than she had been in the past few days, she turned off the shower, dried off and continued with her routine.

 

*****

 

She was on her way to her designated cabin to go to sleep when she felt the silence of their bond. She was…annoyed. She swiftly passed the last ten steps to her cabin, shut the door and turned around to only face him again.

“So, I can’t seem to just walk away from _this_.” She huffed. “Pity.”

“How far have you walked?” He asked, genuinely curious. “To me, you’ve just made a circle around the room. It’s interesting how _this_ works.”

“It’s annoying.” She hissed and tried to move past him.

“That too.” He seemed to be taking in her surroundings. “ _Do_ you see where I am?”

“Snoke said he was behind this before. My only assumption is, that you’re doing it this time.” She didn't gratify his question with an answer.

“Well, you’re wrong.” Now he was the one to turn back to her. “I’ve thought of that word the Jedi loved to use. Balance..." He looked at her reaction, but she didn't have one. She simply continued staring at him, scowling, back against the wall.

"Anakin was meant to bring balance to the force by destroying the Sith. Luke brought balance...and we know how long that lasted.”

“Snoke happened. And you.” She had wanted this to end as soon as possible. She was going to sit this through silently, but what would be the point?

“See, that’s where you’re wrong!” He almost laughed. “What did Luke teach you about balance on that forgotten island?” She didn’t answer. “You had to see life and death, peace and violence, right? _That_ was the balance." He paused. "Opposites." He kept looking at her hazel eyes, trying to find a reaction. A reaction that was slowly appearing.

"There is good and there is evil. There is Darkness, there is Light.” He spoke slowly, wanting every word to make an impact.

“You brought too much destruction and evil into the galaxy. The Jedi were meant to keep the balance, you and Snoke and the First Order tipped the scale.” She was getting angrier, her words becoming harder. (From fear that he was right?)

“Snoke told me, that as my powers would grow, my equal would rise in the Light. Dark and Light, Rey. _We are the Balance_.”

 

“Are you finished?” She didn't let the dramatic pause happen. She needed time to think, needed time to find a flaw in the logic. She tried to walk past him again but he grabbed her hand. She recoiled from his touch, tried to pull her hand away and push him back.

 

“Let me go!”

 

“Shut up and wait!” He pulled her back, fighting her. “Feel it!” he almost growled. “Feel the Force flowing through us. Feel the Balance that the Jedi sought.” Even her anger couldn’t stop her feeling the pulse. That same pulse she felt on Ahch-To. It flowed through veins, from the point where he had grabbed her bare skin with his. It flowed through her whole body, mind and soul. It called to her, like the cave had called to her, yet not like it. It was sinister and intriguing, terrifying and tempting.

 

She suddenly realized she had relaxed, each of her muscles shedding the tension that constrained them. Her whole self had focused on the bond.

 

 

 

Then she caught him looking at her, smiling, almost cynically. She collected herself again and pulled her hand away. He chuckled and disappeared, leaving her dissatisfied with herself; dissatisfied, confused and alone.

*****

 

 

The next time she felt his presence she felt a heavy weight on her chest. She didn't have time to come up with an argument, didn't find a flaw in his logic. Leia had simply said that a prophecy spoke of a Chosen One, one who would end the Sith and bring balance to the Force. She wanted to believe it, but found it a little far-fetched.

  
"I don't want to see you." She said, tired and depressed.

He didn't answer, just sauntered across the room and sat down, back leaning against the wall. He didn't speak, leaving enough room for discomfort and curiousity on her part.

She could feel the call now. The pull, the yearning. By his smile she guessed he felt it in her too. She tried to read his thoughts, his feelings. She found the same 'bait', just beneath his confident demeanor: loneliness, despair, fear, confusion.

"I want to know what it all means." She started. "I want to understand the Force."

"But you're afraid..." His eyes narrowed. "Because this is just like the cave, isn't it. That call, that tug. _I_ tried to resist it, tried to fight back...at first. Then I went in. As did you."

"Luke said I didn't even try to fight the Darkness..." She whispered, ashamed.

"You think this is the same?" He lifted a brow. "If it was the same, why would it be calling to me? If anything, it should be the Light calling to me, but...that feels different." He paused, remembering. "But then...maybe it is the Light calling to me. And the Darkness calling to you."

"I won't turn. I won't join you." She was determined in that, at least. "But...I need to know..." The temptation, the need for knowledge. Somewhere deep inside, she felt it was a bad idea.

"Same goes for me." They both stood up, but he took the lead and came to her. He took of his glove and stretched out his hand, palm turned upwards.

She looked at him, suspicious and on edge. Tentatively she placed her fingers on his wrist, palm on his palm.

And it flew through her. The peace and tranquility, the passion and the storm. Electric and smooth, like water, like sand. Her breathing became deep and uneven. She felt his heart beat faster and stronger, felt his breath hitch. Felt their hands tighten their clasps on each other.

She could feel the birth of stars, the birth of the systems they produced, the birth of new life, naive yet fierce. She could feel the death of stars, bursting and collapsing on themselves, sucking in their own creations, a massacre in nature.

 

She wanted to know more. Needed to know more. She could feel everything he felt, as he twisted their hands, placing their palms symmetrically, letting their arms touch. Each piece of skin that touched set off a new feeling, a new understanding and asked more questions than it answered.

He brought up his other palm, she brought up her own. He lead and she followed. As they touched they got closer to each other physically, feeling each other's breath on their cheeks. She turned away and pushed in, feeling only the flow of energy.

She felt as if she was living a thousand lifetimes in a second, absorbing knowledge and wisdom from the Universe itself, getting deeper and deeper into the structure of the Universe.

She almost missed him embracing her. Almost.

The moment his head fell into the crook of her neck she recoiled, jumped back and pushed him away. They flew to the opposite sides of the room, severing the connection and the bond.

His breath on her neck almost repulsed her. Almost...

Why did he do that? She asked herself. But she knew the answer; she had felt his world as closely and intimately as if it were her own only a few seconds ago. It was bleak, hollow, agonizingly lonesome.

And just when one disgusting thought had left her head another took it's place.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connecting again.

"That never happens again." She spoke without malice or pressure. Just a statement. She decided she didn't need an explanation, he decided not to give one.

They connected just as she was going to bed again. Almost exactly 24 hours, she thought. Was it 24 hours for him too? Traveling through Space made Time difficult to assess. What could have been 24 hours for her could have been minutes or days for him.

They didn't speak for a few minutes, quietly ignoring each other and what happened the day before.

She had pestered Leia on anything and everything to do with the Force. Legends, ancient prophecies, teachings. Not to much avail. She had tried to reach Luke too. No one was really gone when one was connected to the Force, but she couldn't find anything. Not a hint of Luke's presence, not a whisper of wise words. Therefore _he_ was the only thing she had left to connect with.

It felt as if she was playing with fire, as if she was going deeper and deeper into a cave she knew no way out of. Was she being led into a trap? Or was she being led to a fountain of knowledge?

"It'll never happen again." He simply confirmed. He could be trying to trick her: Snoke was right about the bait she couldn't resist. And this was tempting. Both alone, left without teachers, both confused and lost. Somewhere in the depth of her soul she still thought she could help him, save him. Bu then again, he could _just_ as easily turn her.

 

"When you said, I am nothing, but not to you," She speaks quickly, so he can't interrupt her, "You meant that I only mean something to you because of my connection to the Force. That still means I'm nothing; even to you." She pauses to look at his reaction. "So don't say things you clearly don't mean... Not that I ever doubted I was nothing to you."

"I..." He tried to start, but caught her glare. He dropped a raised hand. "I want to understand _this_. Whatever it is. Can we agree on that at least? That we're both curious?"

She looked at him long and hard. God, she hated him, despised him. And felt pity for him. And she probably shouldn't have started this in the first place.

"The Jedi never explained the Dark side to their padawans - their students." He clarified. "That was why Anakin turned so easily. When he was told about everything the Dark could offer he couldn't refuse."

"The way you phrase it, it's as if you know the Dark side is the wrong choice." She smirks unkindly.

"I know _you_ think it's the wrong choice. I know you won't change - at least now - from blind faith to Luke. But it's logical for you to consider what it is you're fighting."

She scowled. She tried to keep her thoughts private. No reason for him to know she's terrified of taking a wrong step and falling into the Dark. He sat down on the floor and raised his hand. Still scowling, she crossed her legs and  sat in front of him. She sighed and raised her hand to his, taking the plunge.

This time it was slow and calm.They didn't need to get any closer, barely touching each other's fingertips was enough this time.

It was as if they were somewhere deep under water, where the light was dim and the sounds muffled. Where every motion was an effort, where every breath took just wore you out more than it satisfied. Slowly, soothingly, they could feel the life of a single creature span longer than the life of a star system. As if the creature itself was the whole Universe, the only thing that mattered. Survival felt so tiring, every second a battle for existence, a battle against Death, hunger, coldness and pain. And when it finally let go, they came back; exhausted and relieved.

She just fell back, surprised that breathing was so easy. She could barely see him disappear before she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, pretty short this time - sorry - but at least I fulfilled my agenda and actually wrote it!  
> Hoping to continue soon. As always - criticism welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> Will hopefully get another chapter done...sometime soon.


End file.
